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Joke of the Day

"What kind of railway is an Italian engineer's favourite? Funicula"

"The field sobriety test was going ok until I grabbed two traffic cones and did a Madonna impersonation."

"i wonder what it's like to be the pizzagate gun guy and discover that your former comrades now believe that you're a crisis actor"

"Did you hear Dora the Explorer is having trouble with her Tinder account? Swiper no swiping"

"What does a subatomic duck say? Quark."

"What's black and never works? Decaffeinated coffee you racist fuck."

"Oh please! Merkel: ""Alexis, I don't think you Greeks understand the seriousness of your debt situation..."" Tsipras: ""Oh please....you really should give us a bit more credit."""

"What's the difference between a thug and a pirate's dad? One's poppin' caps, and the other's cap'n pops!"

"Most guys think i look like an angel... because they don't see me."

"I sure hope they're wrong about 2012. I'd hate to think I wasted the last couple years of my life on here with you guys."