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Joke of the Day

"Think before you yell at your kids. They are the ones who might have to bring you toilet paper in 20 minutes"

"I have insomnia. I have insomnia My doctor says it's very common and that I shouldn't lose any sleep over it."

"What was the scary guy on Tinder doing? Intimidating others."

"POLICE CHIEF: They call him the copycat killer ONE OF THE COPS (mocking tone): They call him the copycat killer [everyone looks at him] Oops"

"A Polish man and a Palestinian woman married and had a son. What was his name? Yassir Yabetcha"

"Can I trade this job for what's behind door number 1?"

"How many programmers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None, it's a hardware problem"

"How do you tune a fish? With its scales!"

"What's hairy and has five fingers? A thalidomide's armpit"

"Me: ""Keep your friends close, and your enemies closer."" Friends: ""No thanks."" Enemies: ""Also no thanks."""