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Joke of the Day

"How do you tune a fish? With its scales!"

"Boss: You gonna get any work done today? Me: Sorry Boss, I was up late watching the game, I'll pick it up. B: Who won? M: Jack Daniels"

"Why was the dyslexic atheist a cat person? He doesn't believe in dog."

"Can't believe there are so many songs about love and only one where someone welcomes someone else to a jungle."

"- How much for the mobile tampon? - Ma'am? - It's a bit big. - Ma'am, it's a lamb. - Does it make that sound because it has detected blood?"

"*approaches your table* Magic trick? *I hold out some cards with fake hands while my real hand pokes out of my shirt and steals your burger*"

"Do they have a pregnancy test for immaculate conceptions?"

"My browser asks ""are you sure?"" when I clear my history as if theres anyone more sure of what theyre doing than someone clearing his history"

"I like my men like I like my tea in little disposable bags"

"Cats get a pass bc they're ""Cleaning themselves"". Dogs are like, Hey! I can reach this?!?!"