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Joke of the Day

"What was the scary guy on Tinder doing? Intimidating others."

"A LOT of people have been photobombing my shots of Waldo"

"My friend told me I didn't understand irony Which was ironic considering we were stood at a bus stop at the time."

"Fox has cancelled American Idol. From Now on, if I want to listen to bad music, I'll have to listen to Pitbull just like everyone else."

"The longest relationship I've had is with my first vibrator. We were together 7 years. Off and on."

"*lights dim in restaurant* DATE: did it just become sexier in here? ME: I CAN'T SEE MY MENU"

"My wife said she was divorcing me because I am obsessed with masturbation. I told her to go fuck herself"

"If you were born in September... Then, you can be sure that your parents started the New Year, with a bang."

"Babies love to shake things, but hate to be shaken. It's like, pick a side, babies."

"I don't wear a watch. I DECIDE what time it is."