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Joke of the Day

"""If you're having girl? Problems. I feel bad. For you? Son."" -Russian guy telling his pregnant wife he hopes it's a boy."

"I once lost my thesaurus... and I couldn't find the words to describe how upset I was."

"I eat slowly, so I can't ever live in Moscow. Everyone's Russian there."

"The next terrorist attack has apparently been launched in the stall next to me in this Target bathroom."

"I'm not lazy, I'm on energy saving mode."

"What did the Germans name the Israeli Submarine? Das Jude"

"Q: Why did the Mummy go to the bathroom? A: To wrap itself in toilet paper!"

"Wife: You're so lucky, I'm like a trophy wife! Me: Wow, I'd hate to see what they gave to the second place guy."

"TIL the american flag planted on the moon is now completely white due to radiation from the sun. Great, now future archeologists are gonna think the French got there first."

"Why don't black people get on cruise ships? They're not falling for that again."