226120

Joke of the Day

"I could defuse a bomb if it sounded like an alarm clock and I was sleeping."

"You have the face of a saint. Which one? Saint Bernard."

"I think I might be a nihilist... not that it matters..."

"A Mexican, a Jew, and a colored guy go into a bar - The bartender looks up and says 'get the fuck out of here!'"

"Once you've seen one shopping centre... You've seen the mall."

"Why did Neil Armstrong get to set foot on the moon before Buzz Aldrin? They wrestled over it. Neil had the stronger arm."

"If this Hillary case blows up... It will be the second time a weiner has ruined the presidency for a Clinton"

"What's long and black and dangerous to cut into? The KFC Drive-thru line."

"How often do scientists check the element table? Periodically..."

"I'm doing 'Angry Yoga' tonight. It's just lying on a mat and drinking a bottle of wine as I shout at my thighs."