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Joke of the Day

"If this Hillary case blows up... It will be the second time a weiner has ruined the presidency for a Clinton"

"Me: My room is in shambles. Where do I start cleaning!? *5mins later* Me: I need a new room."

"What's the difference between a bowling ball and a big, smelly vagina? If you absolutely had to, you could eat the bowling ball."

"Why is sperm white? Because it can swim"

"Why doesn't Mexico have an olympic team? Because anyone that can run, jump or swim is already over the border!"

"""I am"" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that ""I do"" is the longest sentence? Holy shit this blew up"

"I was invited to a party... The dress code said ""black tie only"". But when I got there, I noticed other people had worn shirts and trousers too"

"What bleeds once a month in the mouth? Me, when I remember to floss once a month. Edit: account got hacked and showed something different. Sorry about that"

"Being an asshole lowers people's expectations of you. (Except on Twitter, where assholes must continue to prove they are assholes)"

"My friend can't afford to pay his water bill anymore... ...so I sent him a card, ""Get well soon."""