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Joke of the Day

"Astrogeologists: do telescope/remote sensing on distant objects. Astrologists: use horoscope/do not remotely make sense/object when dissed."

"Have you ever thought about the word racecar and how it's a palindrome? Put it backwards and it spells racecar, put it sideways and it kills Paul Walker."

"Turns out the most difficult stain to remove from bed linens is actually shame."

"What did Trump get for Christmas? Stage IV rectal carcinoma with a recto-vesicular fistula so he farts out his penis...hopefully."

"ME [struggling]: skinny jeans, skinny jeans, let me in SCARED DENIM: don't come back till you're thinny, thin, thin"

"I once met a detective who would copy drawings of penises in his spare time. I think his name was Dick Tracey"

"If I was a villain, I would follow superheroes to their normal human interviews for jobs & note what they answer as their biggest weaknesses"

"""You're an alcoholic."" I prefer the term 'bar-barian'"

"There are 10 types of people in the world... ... those who understand binary and those who don't."

"Everything brightened up when you came into our presence. - Food in my refrigerator."