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Joke of the Day

"my friend's apartment building burned down so he's at his parents' and he still won't hang out with me. HOW MANY MORE FIRES DO I NEED TO SET"

"Today morning when I was driving my Ferrari, the alarm woke me up. :)"

"What did Simon's dad, Paul, say to his son to encourage him just before he went to compete in the National Leg Breaking Championships? ""Have a good one, son."""

"Why do Republicans make good DJs? Because they know how to shut the House down."

"I am sick and tired of people telling me to turn off lights to save the environment. I tried it once and I killed a cyclist !"

"Mrs. Smith: Help me doctor! My son John swallowed the can opener! Doctor: Don't panic. He'll be alright. Mrs. Smith: But how do I open the can of beans?! The toast is getting cold!"

"What does Jeremy Clarkson and Amy Winehouse have in common? They both used to be on top gear."

"IF UR DATING SOMEONE AND THEY GIVE YOU GOOSEBUMPS BUT THEY DON'T GIVE YOU FRIES WHY ARE YOU TOGETHER?"

"What do you get when you mix a rooster with peanut butter? A cock that sticks to the roof of your mouth."

"Where does Iron man get his e-mail? Fe-mail"