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Joke of the Day

"my friend's apartment building burned down so he's at his parents' and he still won't hang out with me. HOW MANY MORE FIRES DO I NEED TO SET"

Next Joke
 
"What's the proper way to pronounce Mormon? The second m is silent."
"YOU EVER SHIT SOOO GOOD YOU CUM? AND GET ALL LIGHT HEADED AND SHIT? -UNCLE SAM T."
"I just deleted all the German contacts from my phone. It's Hans free"
"French toast is just regular toast that smokes cigarettes and has a tiny mustache."
"How do ghosts navigate the ocean? They use boo-eys."
"What did the Ocean say to the Beach? Nothing, it just waved... Thank you, than you.... I'm here all week"
"I invented a realistic sex simulator. It doesn't work on me because realistically nobody wants to have sex with me."
"Why do they call it multiple personality disorder and not being a people-person?"
"back in my day, we had to print out a tweet and hand it to a friend for a retweet. you kids got it easy ""shut the fuck up grandma"""