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Joke of the Day

"How many of those brownies did you eat, private? ""All of them sir!"" ""That was my stash private."" ""Negative sir it was labeled private!"""

Next Joke
 
"I am willing to promise my kids anything just so they go away for a while. I learned that trick from the government"
"Why couldn't the fortune teller fit into her shirt? Because she's a medium"
"What do cats listen to during their free time? they listen to podcats."
"I thought about being a feminist but what could I possibly do for the cause? I'm just a woman."
"What do you do if your daughter starts smoking? Slow down and use lube."
"I don't get this joke A guy woke up after being frozen for 1000 years, someone asked how he felt and he said he was okay with an emphasis on the o"
"Thanks for keeping your Instagram account private. I'd hate for those pictures of your lunch to fall into the wrong hands."
"I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday... He said it's the most violent book he's ever read."
"Riddle: What has wings but can't fly, legs but can't walk, and a mouth but can't speak? A dead bird"