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Joke of the Day

"I just rinsed with mouthwash to cover up the m&ms on my breath. Being an adult is stupid."

"What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus? A picture of Jesus only needs *one nail* to hold it up."

"Studies suggest when it comes to dealing with stress, masturbation is twice as effective as sex So one in the hand really is worth two in the bush."

"Breaking News : Fulham have signed Brazil forward Fred to replace the Michael Jackson Statue outside of the ground."

"Why did Hitler kill himself? He saw his gas bill."

"A black shape emerges from your attic; all you can see are claws. You've made $4000 in 30 minutes working from home, but at what cost?"

"When my wife starts to sing .. I always go out and do some garden work so our neighbors can see there's no domestic violence going on."

"IAN: I broke my leg once ME: I've never broken a bone, touch wood [touches wood] THE UNIVERSE: THIS MAN WILL NEVER BREAK A BONE"

"A conclusion is the part where you got tired of thinking."

"He's not dead; he's electroencephalographically challenged."