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Joke of the Day

"My son and his friends are great ... They always spray the house with air freshener before I get home"

"Sneezed while doing sign language and accidentally threw up a gang sign. 17 drug lords are chasing me down the street. Send help."

"How much does a truck full of bones weigh? A skeleTon"

"You read for a part, you feel good about it, you feel confident, then they cast Ben Affleck."

"In the South, everyone is treated like family I guess that explains the rape"

"My career as a professional rock climber is going great, but I'm also taking a course in mattress-making. Just so I've got something to fall back on."

"Today is my twenty-fifth wedding anniversary. Really? Yes I've been married twenty-five times!"

"Call me when you have $50,000 and you'll get your little girl back. Call in the next five minutes and I'll throw in a second kid as a gift."

"My mom told me that I objectify women. When she asked me why I broke up with my last girlfriend I said ""it didn't work out."" She said ""be more specific."" I said ""I just told you she didn't exercise."""

"I got peanut butter on my camera Now every picture is a jif"