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Joke of the Day

"Doctor: You have to stop eating donuts... Me: OK D:...so that I can start the operation. M: [STUFFING DONUT UNDER OXYGEN MASK] For later."

"A guy started Social Network rehab centre; It has no computers, no wifi, no mobiles, no tablets & no customers"

"I can count on one hand the number of times I've visited Chernobyl... it's 14"

"My boyfriend said that I'm more than enough woman for him, and now I'm mad because I think he called me fat."

"Brain: he must study-how? *Hormones raise hand* H: we could hit him with pimples, kill the social life? B: *whispers* It's for his own good."

"I'm so thankful my childhood was filled with imagination and bruises from playing outside, instead of apps and how many likes you get on a picture."

"I have never seen a thin person drinking Diet Coke."

"The guy who invented throat lozenges just died... I heard there will be no coffin at his funeral."

"My morning commute was hectic today. I tripped over a dog toy and almost spilled my coffee. I made it to the couch safely though."

"I love the concept of karma. It means all the people I've been fucking over and mistreating must of had it coming."