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Joke of the Day

"My wife wanted me to go shopping, but I had a headache... I must have caught it from her last night when we didn't have sex."

"What sound does a banambulance make? Naner naner naner"

"If you want to know what I'm like in bed, try plugging something into a USB port in the dark."

"What's the most offensive joke you've ever heard?"

"""Hey Russell, You Want to Win Another Super Bowl?"" Wilson: ""Nah, I'll pass."" Just saw this on Facebook."

"I babysat for the first time and it was just non-stop screaming. Next time I'll look before I lie down on the couch."

"Whats a pirates favourite kind of wood?? Seeder"

"An ex girlfriend is like a box of chocolates... ...they'll both kill your dog"

"Make a horror film less scary by putting old timey words in the title, i.e. The Thingamabob, Jason Goes To Heck or The Hills Have Peepers."

"Nurse: You can come inside now. *Stands up* *Dusts off jacket* *Straightens bow tie* *Fastens cufflinks* *Ahem* ""That's what she said"""