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Joke of the Day

"Time flies like an arrow.. Fruit flies like a banana."

"What's the difference between a Bernie Sanders supporter and a fat stripper? A fat stripper actually gets to the polls."

"*Sits straight up in bed* ""THE CHILDREN"" *Kids are sitting in the produce department while two watermelons sleep peacefully in their beds*"

"They changed something in the matrix... and now all the eigenvalues are wrong."

"You're never too old to disappoint your parents."

"What did the ant say when he walked into the insurance office? Insure ants?"

"Why do pessimists always think it's the weekend? Because every day is a sadder-day."

"What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea? I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face."

"Why are girls always cold? Because of their cold black hearts."

"What falls down faster from a tree, a leaf or an emo? A leaf. The rope catches the emo."