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Joke of the Day
"So much traffic around the funeral home... I guess it's not a dying business."
Next Joke
"Waiter: Why didn't you make all the food on that long order? Cook: Because I'm a short order cook."
"Why do football players only dance when good shit happens? Just once I wanna see a QB throw an interception & do a sad, interpretive dance."
"Is it gay when the Doublemint Twins make out? Naw, they're just exspearminting."
"My irritating fucking roommate contaminated our water with mercury... Now I'm *really* mad!!"
"Cashier: do you need bags? Me: do any of us NEED anything? Cashier: sir, I have a liberal arts degree too Me: plastic please"
"Last night an Afghan put a jacket on me. He said ""You da bomb!"""
"*smashes into treehouse* Gimme all ur snacks! *kid reaches for cans on a string to make emergency call but I already snipped the string*"
"When David shot Goliath, there was a giant thunderstorm. He was just slinging in the rain."
"FIRED? But I just started! How could I have known we don't do casual Fridays here? Fine. Direct your own goddamn funeral. *flip-flops away*"