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Joke of the Day

"I don't mean to brag, but I'm extremely talented with my lips and tongue. *Whistles The Andy Griffith Show theme song flawlessly*"

"She told me to stop singing wonderwall I said ""stop stealing other users post for karma you karma-whoring piece of shit."""

"Why was the man arrested for looking at sets of dentures in a dentist's window? Because it was against the law to pick your teeth in public."

"So a Muslim man walks into an elementary school... To pick up his wives"

"Oh you're a jogger? Good for you. I just burned 3000 calories in under 30 minutes. Can't believe I forgot that pizza was in the oven."

"What happened on Reddit yesterday? A pao-erful change"

"What did one dog say to the other when he wanted a marker? ""Pass the Shar Pei, please."""

"Here's one myfriend's little sister told me. Why can't you hear the pterodactyl go to the bathroom? Because the ""p"" is silent."

"Last night, I poked a woman in the eye with my penis She's gone a bit cockeyed since."

"As an outsider, what do you think of the human race?"