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Joke of the Day

"Who will inherit all of Trump's money? His hair."

"KiK? Nope. I only joke about divorce. I'm not committed to it actually happening."

"Heard that the Lord Of The Rings author had a bit of a stammer. I tried to get his attention this one time and he said, ""Jay, are are you Tolkein to me?"""

"""Asphyxiate' would be worth like a million points..."" I thought to myself as I lay choking on a Scrabble tile."

"I have a bad habit of starting things and never finishing them. Let's all be thankful I'm not a surgeon."

"What's the difference between a slice of toast and the French? You can make soldiers out of a slice of toast."

"Daylight robbery... I got robbed today at Shell gas station. I called the cops, and they asked if I knew who did it. I said, ""Yeah, pump 6."""

"I want to invent a nap time machine, which is a time machine that takes you to times you could've napped and didn't."

"Careful, friends. [bends down and examines a handprint in the sidewalk] There is a very powerful child nearby."

"Customer: I think I've got a bug in my computer. Repairman: Does your computer make a humming noise? Customer: Yes. Repairman: Then it must be a humbug!"