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Joke of the Day

"Careful, friends. [bends down and examines a handprint in the sidewalk] There is a very powerful child nearby."

"I'm quite sure if Adam had offered Eve a donut, that whole Garden of Eden thing would've gone in an entirely different direction."

"My paranoid boyfriend broke up with me. ""It's not you,"" he said, looking around. ""It's them."""

"A cop was outside my house talking to some people and my first thought was ""yesss"" because I'm nosey."

"College Jesus Jesus opens the fridge, one of his roommates asks: ""is it wine yet"". Jesus says no it says 'still water'"

"I accidentally drank a bottle of ink. The doctor says I'll be fine, but I feel as though I've dyed inside."

"A potato don't look like much but w/ the proper preparation, it can be great in so many ways. Now go out there and be your best potato"

"Just got news that Jesus got sent to prison. Yeah they really nailed him."

"How do you cure depression? A gun."

"It's difficult being a dyslexic agnostic I'm never quite sure whether or not there's a dog"