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Joke of the Day

"I want to invent a nap time machine, which is a time machine that takes you to times you could've napped and didn't."

"""I'm not a fan."" -air conditioner"

"What do you call the sweat on you while you're having sex with your wife's sister? Relative humidity"

"What did the shower say to the toilet? ""You may get more ass than I do, but look at all the shit you have to take""."

"What does dog poo and women have in common ? The older they get the easier they are to pick up."

"You never get a second chance to make a first impression... ...unless you keep a stash of roofies on you at all times."

"How many millenials does it take to screw in a light bulb? Just one. They hold it in place while the world revolves around them."

"I see from the Before and After pictures that not only did she lose weight using the product, it also gave her a tan, makeup, and a smile."

"The REAL reason Bin Laden was buried at sea: Maggots have standards."

"Luke got Darth Vader a Christmas Present. Darth Vader: Luke... I know what you got me for Christmas... Luke: Nooo! No! No!! How could you possibly know?!?! Darth Vader: I felt your presents."