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Joke of the Day
"I will marry the next person who just shows up here with a container of hummus."
Next Joke
"What starts out happy but ends in tears? Marriage"
"The oldest living pirate turned 80 today and had this to say. AYE MATEY!"
"A guy is at the doctors... The doctor tells him ""we're gonna need a stool sample, urine sample and a semen sample."" The guy says ""Doc, I'm kinda in a hurry, can't you just take my underwear?"""
"What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? *choking noise*"
"If I've said it once, I've said it one hundred times. I'd rather listen to an auto-tuned queef played on a loop over and over, than listen to Lady Gaga's performance at the Grammy's again."
"Batman prank calls Spider-Man... Batman asks, ""Is uncle Ben home?"" Spider-Man says, ""No! He is at the theater with your parents!"""
"I like to shave my pubes... It helps reduce the wind resistance and makes me able to run faster. You haven't seen me on the news yet because I'm too fast."
"My neighbor got an iPad! I know this because I always steal his mail. My new iPad is awesome!"
"Apparently they're removing the essay section from the SAT Now it's just going to be called the T."