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Joke of the Day

"I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they're going to be talking."

"Had Maury Povich been in Star Wars, we would have known who the father was a lot sooner."

"Did you hear how Jared Fogel lost his first 40 pounds? He dumped his girlfriend."

"Why did so many people show up to see the cannibal get cremated? His family advertised it as a barbecue."

"Whats the difference between two dicks and a joke? Your mom can't take a joke."

"I'd like to schedule a disappointment."

"I asked my North Korean friend how it was up there he said he couldn't complain..."

"What does marriage have in common with a deck of cards? In the beginning, you only need two hearts and a diamond. Later on, a club and a spade."

"What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend? He wipes."

"Joe, keep that beat nice and loose. Sam, take that bass for a walk. Ray I slept with your mom AND A ONE AND A TWO AND A"