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Joke of the Day

"My friends started a new bar band... Drums, guitars, keyboard and bass guitar. They call themselves 999 Megabytes cuz they don't have a Gig yet."

"How do you read the Gospel According to Shrek? Open your bible to Psalm BODY ONCE TOLD ME"

"I like my women like I like my slaves: Coffee. Wait..."

"Press Conference: How do you respond to accusations that you over sexualize everything? Me: *slowly takes entire microphone into mouth*"

"What do you get when you cross the Cosby Show with Law & Order: SVU? Women Say the Darndest Things"

"What did the knife say to the pretty lady? Nothing, she knew what was coming..."

"""I think I have Ebola."" ""JUST DO YOUR DAMN HOMEWORK!"""

"Q: What do you call Santa's helpers? A: Subordinate Clauses."

"It was so hot today I saw a robin picking earthworms out of the ground with a pair of tongs."

"How do you know if your girlfriend is getting fat? She doesn't fit into your wife's clothes anymore."