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Joke of the Day

"I like putting my feet on Ottomans. I mean they deserve it after what they did to Constantinople. Footstools shouldn't conquer empires."

"The worst birthday present I ever got... ...was from my grandma when i turned 5. She gave me three socks. When asked why, she responded ""because your mom said you grew a foot."""

"Today I saw a poor, old lady fall. My first reaction was to laugh, but then I thought ""what if I was an ant, and she fell on top of me?"" then it didn't seem so funny anymore."

"What do you call a promiscuous girl in special ed? A tater thot"

"I met a really cool girl name Helicase, but there's a problem... ... she's always trying to unzip my genes."

"We are getting up there in age And my wife said to me, ""My best attributes used to be my breasts, but they have been letting me down."""

"There's a lot I don't get about women The main thing being their phone number."

"A Jewish boy asks his dad for 50 dollars... His dad says, ""40 dollars?! What do you need 30 dollars for?!!"""

"As a tall person... Study finds that shorter men will live longer but taller men have a higher shelf life."

"It's like ""society"" expects you to wear ""different clothes"" every day."