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Joke of the Day

"I like putting my feet on Ottomans. I mean they deserve it after what they did to Constantinople. Footstools shouldn't conquer empires."

"What has 9 arms and sucks? Fed Leapord."

"Spider-Man Spider-Man Does whatever a spider can Spins a web Any size Catches thieves Eats those guys Hey wait Don't do that Spider-Man"

"Other uses for chloroform 1) A great conversational piece when talking to the cops about using it 2) Make the day go by faster 3) And finally, as a reagent."

"What did one Pencil say to the other ? Your looking Sharp!"

"Did you hear the one about the dude who married an exhibitionist? He saw his wife flash before his eyes."

"How do you blow up a Muslim's phone? Put it on airplane mode."

"Damn, you are so savage... Andrew Jackson made you walk the Trail of Tears!"

"What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex? Oral sex makes your day; anal sex makes your hole weak."

"Twitter: Where if the chemistry's good, the geography won't be.."