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Joke of the Day
"*Tears off break away pants as I approach the breakfast buffet*"
Next Joke
"According to my iPhone 6, I could commit a heinous crime, without using gloves, and have a different fingerprint just minutes later"
"Where do internet pirates get their loot? From pier to pier."
"Just filled a bird bath with ranch dressing so my feathered friends have something to dip worms in. Pay it forward, everybody."
"I'm in a constant battle between wanting a hot body and wanting a hot fudge sundae."
"What's the worse quality of a hermit crab? They're too shell-fish!"
"As I was paying the cashier for my Christmas tree, he asked ""Are you going to put that up yourself?"" No you sick fuck, I'm putting it up in the living room."
"A guy told me a joke about blowjobs, but I had to admit I didn't get it I'm married"
"What insect is the Wood Ant related to? The Should Ant and the Could Ant."
"Some people you know were dropped on their heads as babies. Some were clearly thrown in the air, hit the ceiling fan, bounced off the wall & fell out the window."