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Joke of the Day

"Joke my dad loved What's the last thing each tickle-me-elmo doll gets before leaving the factory? Two test tickles"

"What is the difference between a baby and a feminist? The baby grows up and learns to stop crying."

"""Nutella causes cancer"" says one scientist with his mouth covered in chocolate. ""Send your jars to me and I will dispose of them."""

"Gonna start a gym called ""Resolutions"". For the first two weeks of January it's a gym. The rest of the year it becomes a bar."

"Change is hard So don't throw coins."

"My friend asked me if I wanted to watch Countdown with them ""What's that?"", I replied, ""Dracula's retarded brother?"""

"50 notifications later and I regret commenting on your status."

"My grandpa was always disappointed in me.... When I was five my grandpa was always disappointed in me. He would tell me ""when I was your age I was six."""

"[Jedi Academy] Why do you want to be Jedi? [Imagines using 'the force' to steal everyone's cats and building a cat army] To keep the peace"

"Roses are red... Roses are red, here's something new, violets are violet, not fucking blue!!! (Found this in a youtube comment a while back ago. Unfourtunately I can't remember where.)"