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Joke of the Day

"Gonna start a gym called ""Resolutions"". For the first two weeks of January it's a gym. The rest of the year it becomes a bar."

"A Maid Knocks On Her Master's Door Her master is busy talking on the phone She asks, ""Sir would you like some juice?"" He Replies ""Give Me A Minute Maid"""

"Why can't you hear pterodactyls go to the bathroom? Because dinosaurs went extinct 65 million years ago."

"What does a Pirate prefer to wear? Doublet or nothing."

"Why Can't Atheists Solve Exponential Equations? Because they don't believe in higher powers."

"A pumpkin-shaped woman should never wear a bright orange top and a brown beret unless she wants to make my whole fucking day."

"Be that Shopping Cart with the bad wheel. Go in your own direction no matter how hard someone try's to push you in theirs."

"And Jesus said, ""Come forth and receive everlasting life...."" But John came fifth, and only received a toaster oven."

"Used to have no life. Now I have a laptop and Facebook!"

"Do you need a silencer if you are going to shoot a mine?"