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Joke of the Day

"When my wife is sleeping I open her handbag, take out my balls, pat them & whisper ""I know guys I miss you too"" then put them back quietly."

"It'd be fun to release a gorilla in a gorilla suit at the mall and see the look on security's face when they pull off that first mask."

"Everyone talks about leaving a better planet for our kids. Let's try to leave better kids for our planet."

"Why do so many math majors confuse Halloween and Christmas? Because Oct 31 is Dec 25"

"Young Forever Nutritionists say people who eat less tend to be younger in appearance. It is true. One of my friends hadn't eaten for 10 days, he's forever 25 years old now."

"Why did the eunuch farmer wake up late? he had no cock!!!"

"The Martian, 2015: Matt Damon tries to prove how Irish he is by growing potatoes on Mars then leaving because he's hungry."

"I haven't showered since last year. It's still 2014, right?"

"I'VE GOT GOATLIKE SPEED & REFLEXES ""Don't you mean catlike-"" BAAAH [Climbs on top of roof and begins eating shingles]"

"How does a West Virginia mother know when her daughter is on her period? Her son's dick tastes funny"