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Joke of the Day

"I'VE GOT GOATLIKE SPEED & REFLEXES ""Don't you mean catlike-"" BAAAH [Climbs on top of roof and begins eating shingles]"

"Scientists detected gravitational waves directly for the first time Your mom's gonna get half the Nobel prize."

"What's better than a Kike on a Pike? Two Kikes on a Pike!"

"Pinion nut math What do you get when you have one pinion nut in one hand, and two pinion nuts in another? A difference of a pinion!"

"I fell in love at first sight. I should have looked twice."

"I keep getting a message that ""Twitter is having issues""nnGood job guys...we drove twitter crazy!"

"I bet Spider-Man's roommates always blame him for all the cobwebs in the apartment."

"I don't have to put up with this, I'm a grown ass man ... I used to be an adolescent ass man; I've never wavered in a T&A debate."

"A model citizen is just like a regular citizen that doesn't eat."

"The Energizer Bunny was found dead today from sexual exhaustion His battery was put in backwards and he just kept coming and coming and coming."