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Joke of the Day

"I haven't showered since last year. It's still 2014, right?"

"DMX is in jail Because X didn't give it to them."

"A man wakes up in a hospital, after a serious accident. He yells ""Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"" The doctor responds ""I know. I amputated your arms."""

"Did you hear about the fat chick I fucked on the elevator? It was wrong on so many levels."

"Q: What do you get when you cross a sheltie and a cantaloupe? A: A melon collie."

"What's Irish and lies around in the sun all day? Patty O'Furniture."

"I asked my friend if I could borrow some money for condoms.... He gave me five bucks, and I told him ""Thanks for the *fucking* money."""

"People make such a big deal about vegans, but I don't get it. I've never had a beef with one."

"What is the difference between a Windows Phone and a brick? One is a brick and the other is a brick with a screen"

"What's a difference between snowmen and snowwomen? Snowballs"