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Joke of the Day

"bangs are just a poor woman's botox."

"What happened to the muslim who smoked weed? They got stoned"

"Look picnics, if I wanted to spend three hours protecting my food with a spork, I'd just go to prison."

"Did you hear about the robbery at the flower shop? It was a violet crime."

"Rupert Murdoch today said that he was very touched, by all the messages left on Amy Winehouses' phone."

"If a camera adds 10 pounds... Do African children even exist?"

"I give myself an excuse for watching porn. By pretending I'm watching ""How it's made: Babies"" on youtube."

"[10mins from now] ..& just like that North Korea was removed from history & got nuked by every country on Earth for bringing down Twitter.."

"I'm sorry son, but autocorrect keeps changing your name to Marty. That's your new name now, there's nothing we can do about it."

"How did the hipster burn his mouth? He drank espresso before it was cool."