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Joke of the Day

"Rupert Murdoch today said that he was very touched, by all the messages left on Amy Winehouses' phone."

"I would have been grounded for saying 66% of Dick Van Dyke's name."

"i didnt give that homeless guy money because his beard wasnt up to my standards. clean your act up homeless guy"

"What do you do with a dead scientist? Barium"

"[sees kid hitting pinata] Me: wow he really hates horses"

"Husband catchs pregnant woman eating grass, what is it? Just pregnancy desire"

"I want to start body building. I just need to find out where hospitals put the cadavers."

"9/11 was hard for us European folk. I caught my foreskin on my zipper that day! It was dreadful, had me late for work. I'll certainly never forget the 9^th of November anytime soon."

"What's the difference between Whose Line is it Anway and /r/jokes? On Whose Line is it Anyway, *everything* is made up."

"General Contractor: Don't worry ma'am, everything will be ready, we'll have the scaffolding set up and erected. Me: *mutes phone* hahahahaha"