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Joke of the Day

"A girl agreed to go on a date with me after I gave her a bottle of tonic water. I schwepped her off her feet."

"What's common between a crying baby and a gun? You must not bring either to the movies."

"How do they prevent crime in hamburger country? With burger alarms!"

"Did you hear about the French guy who died after eating in a fish restaurant? It must have been food poissoning."

"Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards."

"There are plenty of fish in the sea. There are also sharks, giant isopods, oil spills, Flight 370, and Somali pirates."

"I hear that in Star Wars VIII they're going to introduce Han's perpetually depressed younger brother. His name is Y Solo."

"[first date] ME: one of my biggest pet peeves is people who think the world revolves around them MY DATE, WHO IS THE SUN: i see"

"What do you call a lesbian that you can't understand? A mad lib..."

"What did little Suzy spy with her little eye? A cataract."