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Joke of the Day

"Tourist: What's the speed limit in this hick town? Native: We don't have one. You strangers can't get out of here fast enough for us."

"Wait. If Toyotas can't stop accelerating, can't they theoretically be used for space travel?"

"A dick has a sad life. His hair is a mess, his family is nuts, his neighbor is an asshole, his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him."

"- Grandpa, you still have sex with grandma? - Yes, but oral, only. - What do you mean, only oral? - I say ""Fuck you!"" and she says - ""Fuck you, too!"""

"Your shirt is a little small. No, I am to big."

"Why did the chicken cross the road? To avoid the approaching feminist."

"I like my women just like my beer. Bound together with plastic."

"*Slowly breaks up with you, word by word, during a game of Scrabble."

"What do women and dog poop have in common? The older they are the easier they are to pick up."

"Facebook should have a I Don't Give a Shit option next to the Also Block iRL option next to the Would u Like to Send a Nuclear Bomb option."