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Joke of the Day

"Wait. If Toyotas can't stop accelerating, can't they theoretically be used for space travel?"

"Why was Linda so mad on her wedding day? Her soon to be husband forgot how to groom."

"What do you call a Mexican who has his Mondeo stolen? Carlos"

"Here I sit all broken hearted tried to shit but only farted. Then one day I took a chance, tried to fart and shat my pants. My dad called that one The Standard"

"What's the difference between an old Greyhound bus terminal and a lobster with 38 D breasts? One is a crusty bus station, the other is a busty crustacean!"

"What's the worst part about working with a gamer? They're always trying to 1-Up you."

"Where do ghosts go for their holidays? The Dead Sea."

"What do you call a fish that likes to cook? Bobby Fillet"

"Cop: What's the hurry? Me: Nothing officer - Just didn't want to slow you down. Cop: I was pulling you over. Me: Well I get that. Now."

"How does Times Square start the new year? By having Mariah Carey drop the ball! ""The audience can sing this one."""