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Joke of the Day

"I lost my mood ring... ...I really don't know how I feel about it"

"What do you call an actor that has just paid off his house? Mortgage Freeman"

"Pee your name in the snow and you'll quickly understand why they teach cursive in our schools."

"I have really bad hearing & thought he said ""I love turds"" but he said ""nerds"" & now I don't know what to do with this shit in my underwear."

"If I ever win the lottery, I'm going to share it with everyone. Not the money, just going to let you know that I've won."

"A mushroom walks into a bar. The bartender says ""Hey we don't serve your kind here."" The mushroom replies. ""Why not, I'm a fungi"""

"My friend went to a party as the Spanish Inquisition... Nobody expected him"

"[boarding plane with really old pilot] ""think his heart will hold out? lol"" attendent: excuse me, sir? ""depart out, what time do we leave?"""

"Q: How many Italians does it take to change a lightbulb ? A: Two. One to change it and one to sprinkle it with Parmesan."

"Why did the can-crusher quit his job? Because it was soda pressing."