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Joke of the Day

"I'm not saying my wife is fat... ...but when she lost her virginity, it wasn't so much a case of deflowering as deforestation."

"Not to get too technical, but chemistry says alcohol IS a solution. So I win."

"Please don't tell me about your methods of increasing drag on your car It would be a spoiler alert"

"I've been fired from work for putting in too many hours Clock manufacturing isn't as easy as you think ^(yes I thought of this after reading the shifts-keyboard joke)"

"There are two types of people on Twitter. Those who can take a joke, and those who will copy it and claim it as their own"

"What do I have that FC Barcelona doesn't? A semi"

"When the party host collects everyone's coats and throws them on their bed, I just stay in mine and take a nap among the jackets."

"You probably get this a lot but... *punches you in the face*"

"People used to laugh at me when I would say ""I want to be a comedian"", well nobody's laughing now"

"Pregnancy is like a black ops mission They're both expensive to abort."