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Joke of the Day

"Guide to DIY: 1. Double the cost estimate. 2. Double the time it should take. 3. Live with it for 3 months 4. Hire someone to fix it."

"What kind of educational background do you need to have to work at the gas station that directs teens to their deaths in a horror movie?"

"I typed ""Cigarettes"" in the search bar and it said ""No Matches"". The universe has spoken."

"Q: Why was the blonde confused after giving birth to twins? A: She couldn't figure out who the other mother was."

"A bit of Christmas Doggerel Oh, you better not shout, you better not cry, you better bite the pillow, cuz I'm going in dry."

"single because i didn't forward that chain mail in 2008"

"What did Mrs Revere say when Paul got on a gorilla to warn the farmers that the British were coming? Paul stop monkeying around!"

"I wanted to have dinner before 8:30pm. So I told my wife that I absolutely needed it by 7:30pm."

"What did the green grape say to the purple grape? Breathe, you idiot, breathe!!!!"

"A jewish girl asks her dad for $50... ""$40? What on earth do you need $30 for?"""