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Joke of the Day

"(My 3 favorite things are) My 3 favorite things are chicken pot pie. Doesn't even have to be in that order."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Amazon ! Amazon who ? Amazon of a gun !"

"What do you call the ghost of a dessert-chef who returns no matter how many times they're exorcised? A boo-meringue"

"i tried to ask a girl out today but i messed up my words and accidentally summoned a demon. anyway, whats a good first date for a demon"

"Burn victims never travel alone They always stick together"

"doctor: ""how much exercise do you do per week?"" me: ""um.. does sex count? doctor: ""yes"" me: ""absolutely none"""

"Pro Tip: don't believe everything on Twitter. Y'all said throw her up against the wall to keep her happy. Karen from accounting. Not Happy."

"Me: I'm so over him Vodka: No you're not, you should text him Me: Really? Vodka: Yes! 25 times"

"Why was 6 afraid of 7? Because 8 and 9 died in a double homicide and 7 is the **prime** suspect."

"It's exhausting typing ""NO ONE GIVES A SHIT"" to all your friends' baby pics on Facebook."