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Joke of the Day

"Me: I'm so over him Vodka: No you're not, you should text him Me: Really? Vodka: Yes! 25 times"

"Yesterday I saw a squirrel swimming... it was really cool. I have never seen that before."

"[Interview] HR - What are your strengths and weaknesses ? Me - WiFi Password and WiFi Signal."

"I went to a karaoke bar last night that didn't play any 70's music... At first I was afraid, oh I was petrified."

"I like going up to people with motorcycle helmets and asking them for Daft Punk's autograph."

"Instead of cursing and swearing when someone cuts me off in traffic, I just yell lyrics from Spice Girl songs out the window"

"Tupac Hologram owes me $50 if you see him materialize any time soon tell him I'm looking for him"

"Starbucks, where 11 members of staff frantically do things behind the counter, yet not one of these things appears to resemble a hot drink"

"I told my husband that instead of leaving his dirty dishes on the counter, he should leave them in 1952 so a nice housewife cleans them up."

"Was going to make a joke about my paycheck... Turns out I have insufficient puns"