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Joke of the Day
"What's the most difficult part of a vegetable to eat? The wheelchair"
Next Joke
"My cat just told me to stop talking during the movie. Maybe homemade psychedelics were a bad idea"
"Sorry I got kicked out of the auditorium for yelling GET A TOMB YOU TWO during your little brother's 9th grade production of Romeo & Juliet."
"WIFE: The 2 things I cook best are meatloaf and apple pie. HUSBAND: Which is this?"
"ok that's baby's 17th word *opens baby journal* so far we've got flerch, yarf, veerm... honey has it occured to you our kid is an idiot"
"A guy walks into a bar... And says ""ouch."""
"Kanye West was found alive in his apartment today. Another sad day for the music industry in 2016."
"Did such a great job cutting down a tree yesterday The neighbours clapped as I took a bough"
"Me: ""I mean, how can Harry Potter be the best Quidditch Seeker when he's the only one with glasses?"" Librarian: ""Just pay your fine, Ma'am."""
"Updates status.. no one comments. Updates status again."