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Joke of the Day

"Me: ""I mean, how can Harry Potter be the best Quidditch Seeker when he's the only one with glasses?"" Librarian: ""Just pay your fine, Ma'am."""

"Why did your mom tip the delivery boy? She wanted a pizza dat ass."

"How did the cow feel when it couldn't produce milk? Udderly useless."

"I've just been on a once in a lifetime holiday... Never again. Credit: Tim Vine."

"My wife and I used to describe our marriage as 'forever', now we both prefer the term 'ad nauseam'."

"Kid: Just bought a chicken, a bar, a door with no doorbell and a doctors surgery Man: Where did you buy all that junk? Kid: At the Joke shop."

"Let's convert our potential energy into kinetic energy."

"Just settled a divorce over Parrot custody/visitation. Neither may teach it negative phrases abt the other. I went to law school for this."

"*becomes suddenly aware of the overwhelming amount of beauty and horror in the world and the brief second in time we exist on it* what the"

"What do you get when you cross a penis and a potato? A dictator. EDIT: In regards to BattletardBlacknigga, I also heard this joke from my dad. Which was awkward but made it funnier in a weird way....."