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Joke of the Day

"A guy walks into a bar... And says ""ouch."""

"Nigel: You said the school dentist would be painless but he wasn't. Teacher: Did he hurt you? Nigel: No but he screamed when I bit his finger."

"Ariel was a minor and couldn't sign a legally binding contract. You'd think the king of the ocean's lawyers could get that shit thrown out."

"Whats fun for 9/10 people? gang-rape"

"I always love the reaction I get after I cannonball into a public pool. ""OMG, Where's my baby!?"""

"Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread! Now he's toast"

"Popup ads are the Jehovah's witnesses of the internet."

"What do you call a man with no arms or legs... ... sitting at your door? Matt. ...floating in your pool? Bob. ...hanging on your wall? Art. ... water skiing? Skipper."

"A good way to meet a lot of cops is to put a ""Baby On Board"" sticker on a picnic basket tied to a motorcycle."

"The absolutely wrongest answer when you ask a woman if the carpet matches the drapes ""Nope. Hardwood floors."""