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Joke of the Day

"My mate Sid had his ID stolen. ""So now i just call him S"""

"""Yeah, well your dog isn't a rescue, your snacks are processed and everyone knows you're vaccinated"" - how a kid talks shit in 2015"

"An apostrophe walks into a'bar."

"Good cop: We know it was you. Just confess. Murderer: I didn't do nothin' Breaks the fourth wall cop: Your name in this tweet is Murderer."

"The guy who named the umbrella meant to call it a brella but he hesitated."

"I just got this twitter error: ""The server understood your request but is refusing to fill it."" Apparently, twitter thinks we're married."

"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because your face is UUUUUUGLY!"

"My girlfriend said she needed time and distance... So I slapped her with velocity."

"What script did the man with the longest penis get tattooed on his dick? TL;DR."

"I got a hair cut for $10 At this rate, its gonna cost me a million dollars to get them all cut."