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Joke of the Day

"Please, keep trying unsuccessfully to suck the snot back up in your nose instead of using a tissue. Everyone loves the noise you're making."

"Parallel lines have got so much in common. It's a shame they'll never meet."

"What do you call a slutty fisherman/woman? A hooker."

"My girlfriend is a pornstar... She's going to be pissed when she finds out."

"[OC]What do you call a shrunken walrus? A smallrus."

"BABY COW: [points at human] What's that? OLDER COW: That is a milk dracula"

"What did the bird say when he flew over K-Mart? Caw Caw why'd my natural habitat get replaced with 165 000 square feet of consumerist wasteland lol"

"You dug the hole you're in... now stop whining and start climbing."

"bay: come over me: no you're a broad inlet of the sea where the land curves inward bay: my parents aren't home me: how are you talking"

"Why did I break up with my vegan girlfriend? She refused to swallow animal by-products."