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Joke of the Day

"Whats black and sits at the top of the stairs after a house fire? Stephen Hawking's"

"I babysat for the first time and it was just non-stop screaming. Next time I'll look before I lie down on the couch."

"You didn't have to say ""he's a male nurse."" When you said 'he' my psychic ability of gender discernment kicked in."

"[request] Having a hard time remembering a joke. Please help. A guy goes to a doctor. The punch line is said in a really surprised tone ""THE DOCTOR WAS A WOMAN!"" Thank you in advance."

"Getting your shit together just sounds unsanitary"

"What do you call a picture of an electric piano? Photosynthesis!"

"During lunch I asked my food server which salad she preferred. She said, ""Either one! They're both amazeballs!"" I got a hamburger."

"Cop: You were going 30 over the speed limit Me: Are you sure about that? *gives him a handful of Cheez-Its* Cop: Have a nice day, sir."

"I just Googled 'Nicolas Cage jokes' and it showed me a list of every film he's been in. Well played, Google."

"Why men shop at Costco? Because it's a hoe sale."