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Joke of the Day

"The spider in my shower was probably relieved to get washed down the drain after the view of me he got from that angle."

Next Joke
 
"My brother just fed my 10 m.o. nephew a whole bowl guacamole before dropping him off with me. Now I've gotta change the diaper. What a dip shit."
"Can I ask you a question without you getting mad? -People who are about to piss you off"
"A woman is looking at herself naked in the mirror ....she rubs her tummy and says to her husband ""I feel ugly, fat and disgusting. Pay me a compliment"" Husband says ""well, your eyesight is spot on"""
"I moved to Australia, I've never been so appreciated! I've had so many offers to ""Get F**ked!""... I have the pick of the litter!!"
"I read in an American newspaper last night ""15 die in twister""... ...I don't think you're playing it right."
"Why did the semen cross the road? Because I put on the wrong socks this morning."
"How do you make a hormone Stamp on her foot"
"""Tell them I just left and should be there any minute."" -Every delivery guy, ever"
"Sorry I poked you all over your body, but I was just looking for the off button."