106044

Joke of the Day

"My brother just fed my 10 m.o. nephew a whole bowl guacamole before dropping him off with me. Now I've gotta change the diaper. What a dip shit."

"What did German kids get for Christmas during th holocaust? Easy Bake Ovens"

"How many buzzfeed employees does it take to screw a lightbulb? Click here to find out!"

"You wanna know why me and my wife don't see eye to eye anymore after 26 years of marriage? She lost her legs so we're no longer the same height. edit: I'm sorry, I thought this was /r/antijokes"

"Q: What do Roseanne Barr and a battleship have in common? A: They both need three tugs to get into their slips."

"George W Bush looked exactly like a chimpanzee, and Michelle Obama has the face of a gorilla... The White House should be the name of the monkey exhibit at the Washington DC Zoo!"

"""Did anyone else's house get burglarized and have horrible music put on all their devices..........oh U2?"""

"""Walk it off"" does not apply to everything. Stupidity, for example. You're not walking that shit off unless it's in to oncoming traffic"

"I'm a lot like Jesus because I like wine and I tell people what to do."

"Three women are sitting at a bar talking about how loose they are... One can fit in a sausage, one can fit in a cucumber and the third one just slides down onto the bar stool."