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Joke of the Day

"Two muffins are in the oven . . . One turns to the other and says ""It's hot in here"" the other looks at him and screams ""Fuck me! A talking muffin!"""

"Have you heard the joke about Whole Foods? It was so bad it made me sustainably groan."

"Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose? They couldn't close his casket."

"I watched this documentary the other day but I didn't like it... ...because it was absolutely incredible."

"How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb? None, feminists can't change anything."

"Shortest joke in the world An Irishman walks out of a bar. ...could happen."

"Manager: Your fired Me: *You're Manager: How did you know I spelled it wrong if I spoke it out loud Me: How did you know I corrected you"

"yo mama so fat she sat on a tractor and made it a pick-up truck."

"[magician rolls over in bed] ""Last night was amazing"" Woman: Magical. Make me breakfast? Magician: [waves magic wand, eats her]"

"Sorry I can't go out. I forgot to charge my phone halfway though the day."