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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes if you say ""Wow, you're tall!"" to a tall person they realize they're tall for the first time and thank you with cash"

"Mom, is this skirt too short? Yes. Your balls are showing, Robert."

"INTERVIEWER:How good are your public speaking skills? ME:*from behind a tall plant in the office, I throw a piece of paper saying 'Decent'*"

"What did the digital clock say to it's Mother? ""Look Ma, no hands!"""

"In an interview: ""How good are you with Microsoft PowerPoint?"" ""I Excel at it."" ""Did you just make a Microsoft Office pun, sir?"" ""Word."" Edit: thanks u/Steve_Jobs_iGhost"

"Just bought lean chicken breasts instead of hot wings for supper because I'm a stupid fucking mature adult."

"Have you ever heard the one about the dust bunny and the mud pie? Well then sorry, I only tell clean jokes."

"Why did the melon insist on having a big wedding? Because it cantaloupe."

"cool funny jokes don't miss 'em"

"My dad said if he practiced yoga long enough he could pick up a pencil with his toes. He then proudly mentioned he would be writing footnotes."